Thursday, January 4, 2018

Visiting Planet Scarif - part 1

I am a huge Star Wars fan, that much is true. I carry my computer to work in a Star Wars bag. I drink my tea out of a Star Wars cup. Even my cat has her own Star Wars dish.

To be honest, I was never that much into Star Wars Rogue One. Yeah, it was an OK movie, but just OK. It seemed very paint by numbers to me.

Noooo... I'm not a Rogue One fan... This mousepad just casually fell into my lap after the premiere screening. Actually, two of them, to be exact.

But...

When I realized that visiting planet Scarif was very much possible, I was on expedia booking my tickets faster than Luke could draw his lightsaber. So much for not being a Rogue One fan. Ha!

And when I realized that I could stay at the same place that the filming crew did? Yeah, I was all packed and ready to go.

Instead of an interstellar transport vessel, I took a bus to Haneda Airport in Tokyo and got on a flight to Dubai. In Dubai I transferred to a flight to Male'. This stupidly named city (yes, with that dangling apostrophe at the end) is the capital of Maldives. Because Maldives is where planet Scarif is at.



At Velana International Airport in Male' I switched from my swanky Emirates ride (free upgrade to business class, ha!) to a domestic flight to a place named Kadhdhoo. Seriously. Kadhdhoo.


This lovely Star-Warish-sounding island is located in Laamu Atoll in Maldives. Because it is in Laamu Atoll where you can find planet Scarif.

Laamu Atoll in Maldives - the location of planet Scarif


The biggest island in Laamu is called Gan. It's connected to Kadhdhoo by a proper paved causeway with street lights and all, built by China as a token of Chinese love and affection for the crystal clear waters of the Maldivian Indian Ocean. Or something like that.

Confusingly, there are three different Maldivian islands called Gan, and in my excitement I almost booked a flight to the wrong one. Fortunately, my guesthouse on the proper Gan sorted the domestic transfers for me and thus spared me a major embarrassment. What can I say? Geography of small island countries was never my strong point.

This is Laamu Atoll with the three shooting locations marked in red for your convenience.


I stayed at Reveries Diving Village and I picked this guesthouse after debating long and hard. Previously I had a different guesthouse in mind, but Reveries won me over with their professionalism and courtesy. And honesty.

How did we live before GoPro?

The other guesthouse, even though they promote and advertise their Star Wars tours very aggressively was less than forthcoming when it came to answering basic questions. Such as "Are there TVs in the rooms?" and "Do you have a diving instructor on staff?" The answers they didn't want to give me were "no" and "no".

Reveries had both. And a giant outdoor screen in the garden, so one night we could eat our dinner outside and enjoy Rogue One under the stars.



Reveries also had one more thing that other guesthouses on Gan didn't. Staff members that actually worked as support on Rogue One.
Their gym was turned into a makeup room during the shooting. Their manager of operations ferried filming crew back and forth between Gan and the shooting locations. And while the stars of the film were accommodated on a luxurious safari boat, the rest of the crew stayed on Gan.

So when these guys greet you at the front desk, you know you are at the right place.



Regardless of what other news and fan outlets say, planet Scarif is actually three different islands in the Laamu Atoll. And regardless of what other news and fan outlets say, Gan is not one of them.
These islands are:
  • Baresdhoo (misspelled as Berasdhoo on Google maps)
  • Holhurahaa (known locally simply as "Huraa", not to be confused with several other islands with the same name), and
  • Kuda Fushi.

Baresdhoo and the island known as Huraa are close enough to Gan that they can be visited in one day. Kuda Fushi is all the way across the atoll.

It takes about 15 minutes from Gan to Baresdhoo by motorboat.



Baresdhoo is a public island, nobody's living there right now. But that will change very soon, as the government has a very ambitious project to turn it into a guesthouse island.
Maldives is known as one of the most expensive travel destinations in the world. Say "Maldives" and people immediately imagine water villas with glass floors and private resorts. And yes, Maldives is all that, and more.

However, in 2009 the government allowed for private citizens to open budget guesthouses on inhabited islands, and the hoi-polloi, like me, could finally travel to paradise as cheaply as possible.
Staying in a guesthouse on an inhabited island (as opposed to a resort on a private island) has its advantages and disadvantages. The main advantage is that it's cheap. Plus you get to see how average Maldivians live. The main disadvantage is that there is absolutely no alcohol allowed. Sharia law and all that.

So yes... the first guesthouses on Baresdhoo are scheduled to open in 2020. There's also a very ambitious plan to extend the causeway to Baresdhoo, but that all depends on our friendly Chinese road builders and how much they value the everlasting Maldivian friendship.

That means that in 2020 visiting one part of planet Scarif will become very, very easy.

As it is right now, you have to go by boat.

And what was filmed on Baresdhoo?
This:



And this is what it looks like in real life now:



It's the same path:


There were no rebels when we visited. Just an older couple from a nearby island who were collecting coconuts. How anti-climactic.

There are actually two different shooting locations on Baresdhoo. To get to the other one you have to take about a ten minute walk along the beach:



And who doesn't love a lovely beach, right? Right???



The second location is where one of the imperial installations was located:



Sorry, I'm too lazy to search for a proper still from the movie right now. I'll try to add it later.

And that's it for Baresdhoo. It was time to trek back to the boat.


Apparently, visiting the next island during low tide was very important. Soon you'll understand why.

The next island is officially known as Holhurahaa, and unofficially as "Huraa". It's very confusing, because nearly every Maldivian atoll has an island named "Huraa", or some variation thereof. One of these Huraas is a popular guesthouse island famous for great diving. But that's not our "Huraa".

We wanted this "Huraa". No guesthouses and no people there at all:


It takes about 30 minutes by boat from Baresdhoo and the seas can get quite choppy as you have to cross two channels linking the inside of the atoll with the open ocean.



Because we reached this island during low tide, getting to the shore involved a long hike through the lagoon.

What was filmed on this speck of sand?
This:



And this is how it looks a few years later during low tide and from a different angle:


The ocean and the erosion almost ate up the remains of the tree. Next year it will be all gone.


But for now, we can still enjoy the view of a famous dead tree stump in the middle of nowhere.

And that's it for Holhurahaa.



It was back to the boat and off to a picnic on a deserted island. We caught some lunch on the way.


And this concludes part 1 of our visit to planet Scarif.
In part 2 we'll go to Kuda Fushi. That's where all the REAL action was.


Tuesday, December 19, 2017

Disappointed with Star Wars The Last Jedi

It's this time of the year again. A new Star Wars movie was released last weekend and of course I was at the multiplex to see it.
Not on the opening night, mind you. From what I read about this sequel, I had a feeling it wasn't going to be worth the trouble of taking off from work early and schlepping all the way to the other side of town in pre-Christmas mall traffic. Yes, it's Christmas shopping season in Japan, too. What did you think?

Instead of Friday night, we went on Sunday after lunch (Korean food at the mall is not all that bad, it turns out).


In case you are curious about how much movie tickets cost in Japan, here's your answer - 1 800 yen per person on a normal day. Sunday was a normal day.

The theater was packed. And by "packed" I mean, every single seat was occupied, including the really shitty ones on both sides. We were lucky, I pre-ordered on the internet and we got the center right behind the disabled section. I could stretch my legs. My knee is killing me. I should really get it looked at by a sports doctor, or something.

Anyway... About Star Wars: The Last Jedi.

I didn't like it.

You see, I'm an old-timer. I grew up on the original trilogy. The first time I ever went to the movies as a child was to see Episode IV. Yep, that's how old I am. I remember crying when Luke was hanging on for dear life in The Empire Strikes Back. I cringed at the Ewoks in The Return of the Jedi. I thought Han Solo was the coolest dude in the whole universe. The princess was an ass-kicking fighter, donut hair and all. Darth Vader was the ultimate, THE ULTIMATE bad guy. And Luke? ... He was Luke. Skywalker, damn it!

The prequels were such pieces of utter shite that I quite successfully managed to erase them from both short and long term memory.

And then came The Force Awakens, and the side story of Rogue One.
And then... the long awaited The Last Jedi.

Of course we all know that the title is a lie. There will be more Jedi, more films, more movie tickets to sell, more dollars to be made. We're not that naive.

Stupid title notwithstanding, the whole movie was just that. Stupid. Either it was trying too hard, or not trying at all. I can't quite decide which.
The script was utter rubbish, worse than most B-grade fanfic out there. Unbelievable that Rian Johnson got paid big bucks to write such drivel. First semester screen writing students could have done better. This was paint-by-numbers screen writing of the crappiest order. Seriously.
But hey, Mr. Johnson got the job, got paid big bucks for this pile of steaming poo, the movie got made, and I bought the ticket. More power to him.

If you haven't watched the movie, don't worry, there are no real spoilers below.

The Last Jedi had just about everything in it but the kitchen sink.
Purple haired menopausal admirals, chubby Asian chicks, cringe worthy creatures, foaming at the mouth Nazi-like cartoonish generals and enough convenient plot devices to power several spin off side stories.

One thing really stood out to me, though. I guess Mr. Johnson thought that if he stuck in there enough "strong" women with guns, the franchise will appeal to female moviegoers.

Well, I am a female moviegoer and no, Mr. Johnson, that's not how it works. Your attempt was so pathetically clear that it was just that - pathetic. You see, the problem is that you are not a woman, and what you did was write these "strong" female characters the way that a man imagines them. And as we can see from the rest of your script, imagination is not really your strongest point. Instead of being strong and empowering, these women ended up flat, stereotypical and cartoonish.

But it was the bad guys who got the short end of the stick in this script. Take the First Order general Foaming At The Mouth Whats His Face Whatever, for example.
Mr. Johnson, you know what the problem with cartoonish villains is? We laugh at them, because we know they are nothing more than convenient plot devices to move the story forward.
You were clearly inspired by the Nazis in your screen writing and directing, which in itself shows that you took the easy way out. Because you do know what makes a good villain, I'm sure they taught you that in film school. Balance. Make a villain we can care about. But then again, your imagination... not a strong point... right?

Which brings us to Snoke. Holymotherofbatman. Snoke was a joke the first time around, and now that we see more of him, it's clear he belongs on Saturday Night Live as a caricature of himself. Stupid.

Which brings us to Kylo Ren.

Seriously? SERIOUSLY???

The boy had so much potential in the last movie. You destroyed it all. But at least one line of your script got it right - he's just a spoiled brat with an anger management problem. A pretender in a mask (which thankfully came off, and goddamn... Adam Driver has a HUGE nose.)
It's hard to believe that a former Jedi student and the leader of the Dark Side has not learned what most semi-intelligent kids master when they are three years old - that temper tantrums are counterproductive and won't get you anywhere. The first important life lesson that you learn in kindergarten. I guess, Mr. Johnson, you either don't have kids, or you have nannies raising them. Too bad.

You know what made Vader so appealing that even after he's dead he's still more of a villain figure than your Kylo boy? Balance. We could see that there was a real person behind that mask. A bad guy, but with more class than the entire First Order combined. Sadly, with your chronic lack of imagination Kylo will never get there. I almost feel sorry for the poor guy in Episode IX.

Which brings us to the end.

Yes, I will go and see Episode IX when it is released. Yes, I can only hope you will actually do what you are getting paid for and make a better movie. From what I'm reading, it seems you are attached to Episode IX, as well. Disappointing, but hey, mediocrity rules supreme in Hollywood these days. You pushed and elbowed your way to the best spot at the feeding trough, so more power to you. I respect gumption when I see it. Even if said gumption comes with a chronic lack of imagination.

So, was there anything good about the movie?

Sure!

I bought another Star Wars cup to add to my collection. Made in Japan, exclusively for the Japanese market.






It joins the previous cup from The Force Awakens.





So, that is another reason why I will see Episode IX when it is released - to complete my cup collection.





I didn't bother with any other official merchandise.

I will not be re-watching The Last Jedi. For 1 800 yen I can get 3 (three) soy dark mocha chip frappuccinos. And this time, the frappuccinos win.

In other news, I'll be spending my winter break on planet Scarif. And I'm not even a big Rogue One fan. Though in all fairness, even sans Luke it was still infinitely better than The Last Jedi.



PS. Yes, it's time to resuscitate this blog.


Stay tuned...

Monday, February 15, 2016

Owl Cafe Ikefukuro

Yes, an owl cafe. Because cat cafes are so last decade.



Let's make a few things absolutely clear.

1. I'm not a Harry Potter fan. The books put me to sleep so effectively that I nearly drowned in the bathtub when reading one while having a soak. The movies I found so incredibly boring that I actually took a nap in the movie theater. And then again at home when we tried watching another installment on DVD.

I didn't even know that Harry Potter had a pet owl, or somesuch. I only found out last weekend.

And if I hadn't visited Ikefukuro, I'd still be living in blissful ignorance.



2. I don't like zoos. I don't like petting zoos either. And I think that circuses that use animals should be closed immediately and their owners taken out back and put in the cages. And made to do tricks for the amusement of the masses.

3. I am not a vegetarian, but in my own hypocritical way I love animals. I believe that all animals deserve to live comfortably and be treated with dignity and respect.

4. Only domesticated animals should be kept as pets.

5. Owls are bloody damn cute.




So now that you know where I stand, you may be wondering what the hell was I doing at the owl cafe in Ikebukuro last Saturday?

And to be honest, I am wondering the exact same thing right now.

I guess I had to satisfy my morbid curiosity and make sure I'd be sufficiently depressed for weeks afterwards.



The name of the cafe, which by the way is not a cafe at all but a petting zoo in disguise, is Ikefukuro.
It's located in Ikebukuro in Tokyo. And "fukurou" means "owl" in Japanese.
So, Ike + fukuro? Get it?


The place is about a 10 minute walk from the station. You gather, every hour on the hour, in front of this Lawson:


Next to this sign:


You make your booking on the internet (via email) and once your reservation is confirmed, you get the details of this designated pickup place.

Bookings are done in hourly slots. One hour on a weekday costs 1400 yen. One hour on a weekend or a public holiday will set you back 1600 yen. The price includes 1 bottled drink. This place is a "cafe" only in the name. There is no food or drink service.

Payments are cash only and are collected half way through your hourly slot. If you post something on social media using this hashtag #ikefukurocafe, you are eligible for a 100 yen discount.

You can get all the relevant info on the cafe's website - Ikefukuro Owl Cafe in Ikebukuro.



So anyway, you are waiting by the sign, and when it's time, a staffer appears with a booking list, calls out the names and leads you to the tiniest elevator ever. Seriously, this elevator is big enough for 4 skinny people packed very tightly together, or one oversized guest.

And then it's just playtime for you and the owls, and for everybody else who booked the same time slot.



There are big owls there:



And small owls:



Yes, poop happens, be prepared. Wet wipes are available for your convenience, but consider yourself warned. And it seems that the smaller the owl, the bigger the poop.



And now let me get depressed for a long, sad while...

I understand these are not wild animals. I understand they were bred in captivity and would die from starvation if they were released into the wilderness.

I understand they were meant to be pets. And they are treated as pets. In a petting zoo. Because, let's not kid ourselves, this is exactly what this place is.


A petting zoo full of captive birds of prey.


Owls are not easy pets to handle. They need lots of space. They need to stretch their wings and get sufficient exercise to stay healthy and happy.

Owl pet experts say that an owl needs enough space to flap its wings at least 5 times when flying around. Otherwise there is a very high risk of developing chest infections. Owls that don't have sufficient exercise get depressed and develop a multitude of health problems.



I have tried to ask one of the staffers if these owls get a chance to fly around and act like birds once in a while. She looked at me like she didn't quite understand my question, but answered "yes" anyway, just in case.



I looked on their website to see if there is any information about what these owls do and where they are kept when they are not working. Unsurprisingly, there isn't any.

If these poor owls spend their entire time in that tiny "cafe", I feel so sad and so sorry for them. If it was me, I'd rather chew my leg off and bleed to death than live like that.



Yes, they are bloody damn cute.

But it was still a heartbreaking experience.

The petting zoo, pardon me, the cafe, also sells owl related merchandise. I didn't buy any, and now I am glad that I didn't. I might be a hypocrite (because even captive owls are cute), but I'm not a total idiot.

I asked if they had this for sale:



Luckily they didn't. Phew! Otherwise, I'm sure I would have gotten one.

To sum it up, would I recommend going there?
If your conscience can handle it, then yes, by all means - visit.



The staffers looked well trained in handling the owls and clearly cared about the birds very much,

The birds were pretty tame and very well behaved (apart from an occasional shit here and there).

And did I mention they were also bloody damn cute as well?


Here you can see where the cafe is located:


Hint - it's the green sign in the window.

Now... in more pressing news...
I'm out of Lindt balls. How did that happen????






Sunday, December 20, 2015

I saw Star Wars - The Force Awakens

Friday was Star Wars Day.

I wanted to skip work entirely, but as that wasn't possible, I planned to get the heck out of there early. Well, turned out that wasn't possible either. I had to sit on my ass until the clock said I could leave. I got out of there so fast as if the building was on fire and after feeding my furry fluffy, I drove to Interpark like a maniac.

On the way there I was listening to the radio. Radio Berry had a special correspondent at the movie theater doing a live report. Yes, the movie is going to start in less than 1 hour, he said. Let's talk to the people who are waiting to see it, he said.

And so on... All the way to Interpark.



I got my tickets last month. The minute they went on sale I was ready with my credit card furiously punching in the numbers. The system hang up on me several times before I finally managed to select my seats. By then the bestests seats were already all gone. Took less than 3 minutes. Damn. People were fast!

I don't blame them though. The first show on the first day! If I wanted to be there, surely, hundreds of others felt the same.

Our tickets were ok. Not where I would normally choose to sit, but right next to it.



You see, normally I am the kind of person who loves spoilers. I read spoilers of new releases, I ask to be told what happens during a movie, if a person I'm watching it with already knows the story... I've been known to storm out of the movie theater, because one time the jerk I was with refused to tell me what happens next. That is the surest way to infuriate me during a movie...

But... This time, I skipped all that. I don't know how I survived.
I wanted to see this movie with virgin eyes.
Because Star Wars...

But before the screening I stubbornly waited in line to get a special memorial book, only available on the first day. The women working behind the counter were so slow that if they were doing it any slower, they'd be going backwards.



People waiting in line were getting frustrated. The announcements over the speakers kept telling us to be in our seats before 6:30PM, because the movie was going to start promptly at 6:30, with no previews or ads.

We decided to separate, I stayed in my line, and my friend went over to the concession counter to get us popcorn. Suddenly she calls me on my cellphone all very excited asking if I wanted a special character drink cup.

Duh, what a stupid question, of course I wanted one.

She then proceeds to ask me which one I want. And then she gets a nervous breakdown trying to pronounce the characters' names. There are 4 cups, she says, but even with katakana (Japanese script used for foreign names) she can't manage it.

I ask for Kylo Ren. Or rather, for Kai Ro Ren to make it easy for her.

She was a great trooper and got the correct cup. Yay!

In the meantime I decide to get some souvenirs as well. Another mug cup, of course!

Here they are, both of my Star Wars cups:


The plastic drink cup came with a separate Kylo Ren character figure (not pictured).


We made it to our seats with literally 30 seconds to spare. But with drinks and a giant popcorn to share. What! Gotta watch Star Wars in style!

The white mug cup is made in Japan.


(There might be spoilers below, continue at your own risk).


So, the movie starts and I get this strange feeling in my stomach that I've seen it somewhere before...

  • Desert planet?
 Check.


  • Droid carrying important information?
Check.

  • Precocious young person living on said desert planet longing to leave?
Check.

  • Leaving said desert planet on board the Millennium Falcon?
Check.

  • Bad dude in a black mask?
Check.

  • An evil figure guiding the dude in the black mask?
Check.

  • A huge "Death Star"-like weapon that vaporizes entire planets?
Check.

  • A bar filled with extra-terrestials?
Check.

  • The young person turns out to be really handy with the Force?
Check.

  • Another son?
Yep. It's all there.

If that sounds like a summary of Episode IV - A New Hope, that's correct.
The Force Awakens is basically A New Hope retold.

It's a good movie. That's for sure.
But is it a great movie? Nope.

We've all been there and done that and seen that. If you're longing for the old and the familiar, it's all there. Rehashed, retold, reheated and watered down for the young ones who didn't grow up on the original trilogy.

I did and I am disappointed.

But at least I got me a cute towel:



There are logic lapses so huge that you could fly the entire Resistance fleet through them.
The villains, the New Order, have the combined IQ of a stool sample. They are typical Disney cartoon bad guys, totally over the top and with absolutely zero substance. I can't believe that all those professional movie reviewers couldn't see that.

When you think about the original trilogy, when you mention the words "Star Wars", what immediately comes to your mind?
Darth Vader, that's who.

In Japanese "Dars" and "Darth" sound the same. Dark chocolate. Dark side. You know this was one snack tie-in just waiting to happen. (Dars is usual the name of this snack).


The guy had enough charisma for an entire galaxy of bad guys. Kylo Ren is an annoying pipsqueak in comparison.

And his henchmen? A band of amateurs.

With all their technology and resources, they still don't implant nano-tracking devices in prisoners or soldiers? C'mon, JJ Abrams, you can't be serious. That's Totalitarian Regimes 101.

Oh wait! But if they did, then the movie would have been over in about 15 minutes. I gotcha!

The inside of the premiere day memorial book:



The new wunderkind, Rey, who I'm pretty sure is going to turn out to be Luke's daughter in the next episode, is likable enough. But just enough. Her ability to be awesome at seemingly everything, from starship engines to using the Force is so Disney, it makes my stomach turn. If I wanted that, I'd watch Cinderella, or Beauty and the Beast, or something...

And what's up with her costume change at the end of the movie? All the way through she was wearing her old "desert plant garb", but at the end, she is sporting a sexy new outfit. With an obligatory low-cut V-neck to make sure that fanboys have something to masturbate to.

So yeah, that's my beef with Star Wars The Force Awakens.



Even before I saw it last Friday, I was already making plans to see it again in 3D in Tokyo. Now I'm not going to.
It's not worth it.


Now, if you excuse me, I have some snacks to eat:

And the original trilogy to watch one more time.

See ya!